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# newfi.tcl #04/28/21 #
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#Author Poul #
#IRC Irc.OpenIRC.Club #PoulsKitchen #
#Email jamesmagnusjones@gmail.com #
#URL deadgnomesociety.com #
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# newfi.tcl"
#bind pub -|- !joken pub:newf
bind pub -|- !newf pub:newf
bind pub -|- .newf pub:newf
set newf(randstr) {
"What's black and blue and floats in the bay? A mainlander after telling Newfie jokes"
"How can you tell if a Newfie is gay, he eyes the b'ys."
"Two Newfies were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They turned around and went home."
"Two Newfies were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon? he other replies Jeez bye that's easy. Can you see Florida?"
"Do you know how Newfoundland was created? By Nova Scotians throwing rocks into the ocean."
"Year hear the one about the Newfi submarine with the screen door... it sunk."
"Two Newfies are chattin over a bottle of screech. One says I think Christmas fall on a Friday this year. The other replies Geez Bye I hope it not the 13th."
"Why do newfies want quebec to separate? So they can be closer to Toronto. "
"Why did the Newfy take off his bathroom door? He didn't want anyone looking through his keyhole!"
"How do you get a one arm Newfy out of a tree? You wave at him!"
"How did the newfie injure himself raking leaves? He fell out of the tree"
"How did the newfie die of ice fishing? He got hit by the zamboni!"
"Did youhear about the Newfie abortion clinic? It's so busy there's a twelve month waiting list. "
"Why do most newfie men have beards or mustaches? They wanna look just like their mothers."
"A wife asks her newfie husband to stop by the grocery store on the way home... She tells him, pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen He comes home later with 12 loaves of bread"
"Cessna 152 has crash landed into Newfie cemetery. 85 bodies recovered in the rescue effort so far!"
"Why can't a Newfie count to 4? Because the tree always gets in the way."
"Give a Newfie a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a Newfie to fish, He'll draw unemployment all winter long."
"Newfie word of the day: defeat Jesus Murphy mudder shouts, yer shoes go on de feet."
"Newfie Pick Up Line: did you fart? Cuz you blew me away."
"Newfie Pick Up Line:Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special."
"Newfie Pick Up Line:My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in."
"Newfie Pick Up Line:Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to sign you out."
}
proc pub:newf {nick host hand chan text} {
global newf rand
set newf(str) "[lindex $newf(randstr) [rand [llength $newf(randstr)]]]"
putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$text: $newf(str)"
return 1
}
putlog "Newfi joke script loaded."